美国学生“慢功出好文”

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美国学生“慢功出好文”

http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_54da5cc70100mq0d.html

最近女儿拿回一篇自己写的英文作文，我仔细看了两遍，觉得语言还算生动，结构也还合理，细节描写也不错，便询问她这篇作文的成文过程。原来，美国小学让孩子写作文的诀窍就是：慢功出细活。这篇作文前后写了一个月，有点让人难以想象。下面是女儿讲述的写作详细过程：

第一步，写出提纲。

第一次课，老师给每位同学发了一张纸，说是让写这次作文的提纲。作文的主题是“memo”，翻译成中文，是“回忆”的意思，就是让同学们写下记忆中印象最深刻的事件。题目、内容当然都由自已决定。女儿写的是幼儿园时期养了一只小鸡的事，当时在这张纸上写下了几句话的提纲：

开头：It was a sunny day. I went to the kindergarten.（那是个艳阳天，我去幼儿园。）

中间：My friend gave me a baby chick. （我朋友给了我一只小鸡。）

结尾：My baby chick died. （小鸡死了）

这也太简单了吧？不过，故事线条倒是出来了。

第二步，补充细节。

同学们写完提纲后，老师让他们在这张纸的背面（够环保的），围绕着所要叙述的故事添加一些细节，包括：带形容词的句子、带动词的句子、心情如何、感想是什么，等等。大概每项能写上几句话吧，这张纸的背面应该可以填满了。

这部分应该算是老师的绝招。作文写不出来，或者写得不出彩，重要原因之一就是细节描写不到位。老师用这样的办法，可以引导孩子写出许多细节方面的句子，以后再写作，就会从这几方面入手，不怕“没话说”了。

cute little chick（可爱的小小鸡），the sky was the bluest of the blue（天空蓝得不能再蓝了），等生动的描写，应该都是在“带形容词的句子”启发下产生的。其它好词句亦如此。

第三步，写好开头。

开头一定要吸引人。女儿成文后的开头变成了：

Have you ever had a cute little chick that you just can't seem to get enough with? Have you ever got so happy that you jumped up and down a hundred times? Have you ever lost your beloved pet? Well, I do, I do and I do!

（你是否有过一只小鸡，喜欢得不行？你是否有过开心得蹦个没完？你是否失去过最心爱的宠物？嗯，我有过，有过，有过！）

第四步，正式写文。

接下来就要正式写文章了，有了开头，有了提纲和那些细节，成文应该没问题了。

（女儿的文稿将在后面全文附上。）

第五步，反复修改。

这步是关键。都说“好文章是改出来的”，孩子们写完后的稿子，由自己输入班级电脑，老师逐一阅读，给出修改意见，包括语法错误、结构方面的调整，以及一些字句的改动，同学们按照老师的意见在电子版的稿子上进行修改，这样反复了好几次，用时一个月，最后才正式“定稿”。

女儿的文稿，在我看来，结尾处收笔有点匆忙，有意犹未尽的感觉，但确实也给读者留下了更多想象空间，同样令人唏嘘不已。结尾是这样写的：

……When I held it for about half a minute, it twitched its legs. Two seconds later, it groaned, turned a little, puffed her little chest, and then opened its tiny, watery eyes. But then, it fell into a permanent sleep.

（……我抱了这大约半分钟，它伸了伸腿。两秒钟后，它呻吟了一下，动了动，小胸脯微微地起伏了一下，然后睁开了它那双小小的、水汪汪的眼睛。但是紧接着，它陷入了永久的睡眠。）

感受：

美国学生写作比较“拖”，耗时长，磨功大，但写出的文章跟初稿相比，确实有许多可圈可点之处。

最近接触一位从北京四中高中毕业后来美读本科的学生，也跟她谈到这个问题，她的感受也很深。刚来美国时，两个月内她只写了三篇小文，老师也是让先写提纲，再写细节，她说刚开始时自己对此很不以为然，在国内写作很少拟提纲，无论作业还是考试，都没有多少时间让你按部就班地写，必须马上打个腹稿，然后马上动笔，不然肯定来不及，平时功课多不说，考试时更是不容细想。但她尝试美国这套做法后，感觉很受益，写出的文章就是比较理想。

咱们孩子的智力和能力没有问题，关键是有没有条件让他们从容地发挥自己的潜力。女儿带回的这篇作文，完全是在校内完成，没有占用家中的任何资源，包括家长参与的人力、家用电脑的硬件、网络媒体的资讯，等等，一概没有用到，而且我相信也一定没有什么范文可以让她“参考”，这件事是她自己的亲身经历，别人无法知晓其中的细节，完全得靠自己去回忆，去描述。

为什么美国小学能够让学生那么从容、那么充满自信地完成写作？这是个值得思考的问题。我可以提供的资讯是：他们语言学科分成“词汇、阅读和写作”，而且是“复式教学”，根据学生不同的学习程度和能力状况分成三个不同的小组，在一个时段内，先后交替完成这三项学习，最后殊途同归，参加考试。学生可以在自己原有能力基础上不断提升，很少相互之间竞争、较劲的压力。

如果国内引进这一套写作程序，估计有些条件要首先配上。比如：每班要配置够用的电脑，班级人数还不能太多，功课压力不是太紧，等等。

不过，还是希望有条件的老师能让孩子们尝试一下，让孩子们在轻松愉快的心情下科学合理地写作，受益的恐怕不仅仅是孩子。

附上女儿成文后的作品：

                     My Cute Little Chick

Have you ever had a cute little chick that you just can't seem to get enough with? Have you ever got so happy that you jumped up and down a hundred times? Have you ever lost your beloved pet? Well, I do, I do and I do!

The Sun was shining warmly, and the sky was the bluest of the blue. It was the kind of weather that makes you happy all day. I went to kindergarten. When school was over, my friend gave me a baby chick in a cage! I was so happy that I thanked her over and over. So I brought it home with great care.

I carefully put it inside a big cardboard box. Then I tossed in some very warm tine rice and pink popcorn bits in front of it. It pecked them quickly and soon the food was gone. Its tummy was really big! My mom suggested that she cut a hole on the box so the chick could breathe. I agreed. So she got out an enormous scissor, and we started working. We cut out a hole that was about as long as my pinkie. The job was completed and we felt satisfied.

I opened the box, took it out, and set it on the floor. I gently stroked its head, and it looked up at me, as if saying, "I like you!" It was just so cute!

When it was almost time for dinner, I took some orange, broke it into tiny pieces, and threw them into the cute little chick's home. Then, I threw in some white rice and bright broccoli in. To my surprise, it ate half of the broccoli, a fraction of the rice, and half of the orange! Then, I looked down at its tummy. It was as round as a ball! I wondered if it was Okay.

Finally, It was time for bed. I moved my chick into my playroon, and just left it there. It was a little bit cold in the room.

When I woke in the next morning, the first thing I thought about was the chick. "Was it Okay? Was it still sleeping? Or was it wating for me to come? Did I need to bring a blanket for it?" I thought. I quickly went there, and opened the cardboard box. But, guess what I saw? My face was as white as a blank, new paper. I helped it up, and felt like crying, and I ran as fast as a furious dog into my mom and dad's room, and sad, "It's dead!"

My mom asked,"Who is dead?" And then she sat up, blinking. "My baby chick! We left it in the cold weather too long! It froze!" Now my mom completely sat up and said,"Here, hand me the chick!" She said urgently. I handed her the chick, cried, and she hugged it closely to her, my mom said,"Everything is going to be okay now!" "Come on, Let's go outside to warm it up!"

We quickly got dressed and hurried outside. "Mom, is it going to be okay?!?""I don't really know, sweetie." She held it to the sun, but it remained as still as a statue.  I really wanted it alive. So I said, "Here, let me hold it." When I held it for about half a minute, it twitched its legs. Two seconds later, it groaned, turned a little, puffed her little chest, and then opened its tiny, watery eyes. But then, it fell into a permanent sleep.

为大家阅读方便，我就受累，把它翻译成中文：

可爱的雏鸡

你是否有过一只小雏鸡，自己喜欢得不行？你是否有过开心得蹦个没完？你是否失去过最心爱的宠物？嗯，我有过，有过，有过！

阳光温暖地照着，天空蓝得不能再蓝了。这种天气会让你整天快乐开心。我去了幼儿园。放学的时候，我的朋友给了我一只小雏鸡，还带着小笼子！我太开心了，一个劲儿地向她表示感谢。然后，我小心地把小鸡带回了家。

我小心地把它安置在一个大纸箱里。然后在小鸡面前放了一些温热的小米饭和粉色的玉米粒。小鸡快速地啄食，这些食物很快就不见了。它的小肚皮变得可真大啊！妈妈建议在纸箱上开个洞，让小鸡好呼吸。我同意了。于是她拿出一把大大的剪刀，开始行动。我们剪开了一个跟我小手指那么大的洞。干完活后我们很满意。

我打开纸箱，把小鸡取出来，放在地板上。我轻轻地抚摸着它的头，它抬起头来看着我，似乎在说：“我喜欢你！”它真是太可爱了！

到了晚饭的时候，我拿出一些橙子，切成小碎片，扔进了小鸡的窝里。然后，我又放进一些白米饭和油亮亮的西兰花。令我惊奇的是，小鸡吃了一半的西兰花，一些米饭，还有半个橙子！这时，我再看它的小肚皮，圆得像一个大球！我真怕它出什么问题。

最后，到了睡觉的时间了。我把它移进我的玩具室，准备让它在那过夜。那个房间有点冷。

第二天我醒来时，首先想到的就是那只小鸡。“它还好吗？还在睡觉吗？还是等着我去看它？要不要给它拿个小毯子？”我想着，快步走过去，打开纸箱。但是，猜猜我看到什么了？我的脸一下子变得如一张新纸那样白。我捧起它，感觉自己想哭，马上跑到爸爸妈妈的卧室去，速度快得像一只疯狂的小狗。“它死了！”

妈妈问：“谁死了？”她坐了起来，努力睁开眼睛。“我的小鸡！我们把它放在那这么长时间，那里太冷了！它冻僵了！”妈妈完全坐直了，说：“来，把小鸡给我！”她急切地说。我把小鸡递给她，哭了。她把小鸡紧紧地抱在怀里，说：“一切都会好的！”，“来吧，咱们去外面，让它暖和过来！”

我们很快穿好衣服，赶紧去了室外。“妈妈，它会好起来吗？”“我不能确定，宝贝儿。”她让它对着太阳，但它仍像个雕塑一样安静。我真想让它活着。所以我说：“来，让我抱着它。”我抱了这大约半分钟，它伸了伸腿。两秒钟后，它呻吟了一下，动了动，小胸脯微微地起伏了一下，然后睁开了它那双小小的、水汪汪的眼睛。但是紧接着，它陷入了永久的睡眠。